; Silence

one man show at ikea this noon.

just me & my music against the world.

strolling through the crowd with the infamous hotdog bun.

getting inspirations from the showrooms.

there i was, indulging in my playlist looking at

kids & toddlers running ard with genuine smiles & pure innocence.

teenagers that give "there-she-go-again" look behind their parents.

couples bikering.

couples trying to describe layouts of what seems their new kitchen with big hand movements.

elderly walking ard aimlessly with no expressions.

ppl, a mad number of them rushing to get a table at the cafe area.

aunties, trying to dig of that one pc of furnitutre at the very back of the rack.

occasional lock-eyes with an eyecandy (why that angmo so hot & cute!) whom i keep bumping into.

strangers giving me a 2nd or 3rd look (blushed !)

strangers looking at me with woah-eyes at my big baggage.

lugging my way home on public transport with a bag twice my size.

its amazing when you see yourself in someone else.

the way you acted when you were a kid, a teenagers & as a couple

above all,

the silence, the calmness.

being myself despite alone.

its been a while since i actually went out alone,

cut off from technology (other than my songs) cause starhub's been a bitch,

i had no reception the whole time i was in the building.

surrounded by strangers,

but i dont feel so alone.

it felt good actually.

to be able to get what i want on my own,

with my own strength, literally.

though i didnt manage to get everything.

my back was seriously aching from the load after a while.

today,

a lil part in me died.

cant quite figured exactly which part is it.

but i remembered saying something, something that i will feel sad back then.

yet i didnt quite felt the sadness at that point of time.

& from all the ive heard today..

the conversations of strangers,

the conversations of friends,

the conversations, all of them.

of some i felt if it was me,

i would do it in a heartbeat, without thinking too much into it.

i would.

i just wanted to be there.

even if i couldnt help much.

just being there. maybe i could put across a smile or fits of laughters ?

but the immediate anwerss? hmm.

it seem like my presence isnt able to be able to make a difference.

then i remembered,

how ppl would wanna talk to me when they are feeling low or messed up.

how i am always the 1st they run to, happy or sad.

they told me, i made them feel safe, comfortable & better.

someone always used to remind me how my presence was all it takes to make everything better, to end the day smiling.

maybe i should get some sleep in the super-comfy-yet-i-cant-figured-why-i-cant-sleep bed now.
tata!