Before bed thoughts.

(post refers to no one in particular. just some thoughts on words used during the day)
Criticism. Crude remarks. Personal attacks. Spreading rumours. Backstabbing. Bad jokes.


I can take none of this.





Unless its from my close few whom I know they're really joking. But come to think of it again, they wouldn't even think of doing that.



if you ain't part of my fave list,
Sorry, I see no point explaining my actions & telling you my stories.
You can stab as much, smear my reputation, criticize me like you wanna bring me down to ground zero.


I admit I may feel real down By some of those remarks. & it can be For a long time, really long time. But I'm not gonna allow that to reduce me to ground zero.



I'm not a very submissive person. Neither am I very dominating.
My tolerance has limits. It's varies for each individual.



I can put down my pride & ego to apologize. But I wouldn't allow myself to be taken advantage of my virtues.






Because I'd rather lose an argument to someone dear than to lose someone dear over my pride&ego.





I can be very understanding.
But you'll hafta understand that i as a human has my imperfections & weaknesses too.







I'm emotional. Words. Can. Hurt. Alot.
I'm forgiving. I give unspoken chances for free.
I'm not fussy. I can make do and adapt to situation. Quite flexibly.
I think with my heart. Alot.





Sometimes, I'd ask myself
Heart over mind or mind over heart?





I'm not stupid or dumb.
& I'm definitely not a bimbo.
I can definitely make a person feels useless, but I will never do that because it's heartbreaking to feel that way.




I'm big & fat. I know.
I didn't have an option to be like this naturally neither did I chose to be! My esteem level ain't sky rocking high, so I can really mull over it big time.




I'm not pretty. I'm just an average girl who will doll up for someone or some occasion. Who wouldn't like to doll up and be complimented & appreciated?
its also a form of respect to self, the occassion or that special someone.



I may own a few labels. But That doesn't gives anyone of you a reason to label me as a materialistic whore. I don't need a Celine, Chanel or a balanciaga to survive or to be pretty.
& I'd rather get it myself if I want it.



If I'm a MW, I might as well just hooked up with some rich turtles who drives big black shiny rides.




My true needs&wants are those that money can't buy.



I'm not that foolish, not that naive.
I've seen my friends did outrageous acts that I as a woman would hate.
I just believe that a man's pride & ego is too fragile&precious to be destroy.







I just dislike being bring down by words.
It's not easy to constantly remind myself that I shouldn't feel down.
It's not easy at all. It's a sad slow process.






& it hurts.